Thinking Out Loud

The more I listen, the more I’m beginning to wonder if wisdom is the permission to see and thus live life from God’s perspective.

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The Older Brother

I love grace but I wrestle with her nature.  Her arms are wide and inviting, embracing and perfecting. She comes with a sweet aroma and a welcoming smile to all who would see her.  And I often wonder if grace will be a thousand times better than we could ever imagine, infinitely more than we every thought.

I often wonder if the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son is what some people will feel like in the Kingdom of God.  They will say,

“How in the hell did YOU get in here.  This isn’t supposed to happen.  What about what I did?”

I think we’re all going to be surprised.

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Revel In His Love

I’m never gonna get tired of saying it.  God loves us more than we can possible imagine.

Recently I had the pleasure of going to dinner and a movie with some friends.  One of my friends brought his 10 year old son.  Most of the dinner was the guys having the conversation we have: work, sports, wives, stuff.  But during dinner I notice my friends son was fixated on his dad.  He was looking up at his dad as he was talking.  And the look was that of a young boy saying, “This is my daddy.”  It was worship.

And I sat there staring at his son, enjoying the awareness that this little boy knew he was loved.  He drew his strength and power from his daddy.  Things were right in the world because his daddy was there.  He didn’t have to impress us.  He shared in our conversation with ease and confidence.  In fact, I later learned that he is not normally that outgoing.  But in the wing of his daddy, he could discover his courage.

I know so many of us had father’s who were broken.  I did.  And life turned when I learned that God was my Daddy, who loved me more than I could imagine.  He was right there, waiting for me, embracing me, and validating me with the resounding sound of my dignity.  And I knew I was loved. I knew that God could see beyond my brokenness to what He had created.  I was His son, and He was my Daddy. It was worship.

So today, right now, revel in His love for you.

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Resurrect Me

This is the story of my ongoing resurrection.  And sometimes I don’t like it.

“I do not believe Christians are called to believe in the resurrection of Christ.  I believe we are called to be the resurrection of Christ.  To be the site where resurrection takes place.”

This quote, from an interview with Peter Rollins, has been sitting in the back of my mind since I read it.

The truth is, I want to be done.  I don’t want to be in process.  I don’t want to be reminded tomorrow by a still, small voice of how I am participating in my own destruction.  I want to be complete and whole.

Sometimes I “feel His pleasure” and I sit back reveling in his grace.  I bask in the glory of love and the fruit of when I participate.  I sit back and enjoy His hand in my life, shaping me, molding me, producing wonderful fruit that is so enjoyable and tasty.  This is the life I was designed for.  This is the life I want to lead.

And then I go and screw it all up.  I bite right into the temptation to strike back at my neighbor or brother.  I lose site of who I am.  And these moments invite me to judge myself, to take His place on the judgment seat and crucify myself.  Each moment that my brokenness rears its ugly head, I am invited to wonder if He still loves me.  The voices inside my head shout very loudly, “How can you still love me?”  Because grace is such an unnatural thing.  Its stupid good.

And at that moment, the second temptation is to fake it.  It’s just easier to put on a happy face and pretend that everything is fine, to hold onto the condemnation that destroys my heart.  On the outside everything is fine.  On the inside my heart feels like it is being crushed.  And what is really funny, or sad depending on your point of view, is that everyone around me can see it.  They can see the stale aftertaste of a life fermenting in its own crap.  It’s just so obvious.

This is the moment of resurrection.  This is the moment when my Father calls me to the road less traveled, to participate with him in my restoration.  This is the moment of trust when I need, no want, to believe that grace really is the rule of life.  And as I take the risk, He then he gently takes my hand and leads me to the mercy seat, reminding me that the cross is still reigning supreme.  He reminds me that to harm others is to harm myself.  To love others is to love myself.  Which one do I choose to participate in?

And this is the thing.  Resurrection is an ongoing process.  It’s didn’t just happen but is happening in my life.    I’m still a work in progress.  It requires me to admit that I’m broken, that I don’t have it all together, that I still have work to do.  I can’t hide.  I can’t fake it.  I have to trust that He establishes me, not my neighbor.

So resurrect me Father, so that I may reveal your glory.

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One Buttock Christianity

You have to watch the video to get what this post is about but I can almost guarantee it is worth every second of the 18 minutes of your life you will invest.

About seven years ago Benjamin Zander spoke at Willow Creek’s Leadership Summit.  For everyone there he was only second to Bill Clinton, and a close second at that.  He spoke of the posture of possibility and how to awaken that in our lives.

Much of Zander’s concepts come from one button playing, which is the moment when the musician stops thinking about the individual notes and focuses on the beauty of the music, enjoying the story the is found within it.  This type of musician has crossed over to a deeper level of playing.

And his concept of one buttock playing struck me then as it did now when I watched this video.  It made me ask, “What does one buttock Christianity look like?”  What does it look like when we have reached a place when we can stop thinking about, “Am I doing this right,” which begs the question of performance, and start enjoying His music that is played in our lives?  How do we ultimately participate in a way allows God to bring out His masterpiece in our lives, the one that looks like Jesus.

Zander says, “Because for me to join the B to the E I have to stop thinking about every single note along the way and start thinking about the long, long line from B to E.”

I believe this comes through surrender.  It comes when we take the risk to let go of control and trust that God really does love us, and is not determined by what we do, but instead by who we are, His children.  It is at this moment that we can sit back and enjoy the long line of notes that He is playing in our lives.

How are you enjoying the notes?

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Why We Don’t Like Grace

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people within the church don’t really like grace. It calls us to wrestle with stuff we don’t like, stuff like control and forgiveness. Let me explain.

A while ago, I had someone really hurt me. And the moment it happened something inside of me screamed out for justice. I wanted to rail back at this person and lash out. I wanted to rain down on this person the justice that his action demanded. And then this person did something that I really didn’t like. They asked for forgiveness. At that very moment I was staring the Gospel in the face. Something inside of me didn’t want to. I wanted to be mad.

And yet at that moment, I heard God’s still small voice say, “This is your moment. This is what will redefine who you are. To forgive is to become who you are.” I was holding onto a judgment that ultimately I was not really prepared to hold. And love was calling me to look beyond the hurt and to see the human.

And the reality is that its just so much easier to hold onto the pain. But isn’t the pain killing us? Isn’t the poison pill that we wanted to give someone else get instantly ingested into our own system?

We don’t like grace because it takes away our right to be angry. When God forgives me He’s revealing the standard of His kingdom. And I am called reciprocate. And we don’t want to do that. We want to be angry. We want justice. We want God to rain down fury on those who hurt us.

Grace levels the playing field in ways we don’t like. It takes away our ability to control others because we no longer get to use the idea of justice in a way that can control people. Grace redefines justice. It says that mercy is the more restorative approach. It takes away our command to God to end those who hurt us. God simply points to the cross and says, “Am I really mad? You decide. I can’t give you any more than that.”

And we’re left with this strange reality that the problem is really us. We don’t want to let go of our condemnation because it has become this strange tool to control the world around us. It feeds our sense of justice when someone hurts us. It fuels our sense of fury when we contemplate the abandonment, the rape, the molestation, the beating, the lies, the divorce, and the rejection. It allows us to play god.

Grace chucks all of that. It turns the tables on us takes away our defenses. It says, “You are worth more to me than your own sense of justice. You are worth more to me than condemnation.” Because when we judge, we’re really judging ourselves, which always leads to condemnation.

But to embrace that statement requires letting go of our own wounds. To embrace grace means applying it to everyone, not just us. And we simply don’t like that.

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This post is part of a Community Synchroblog

Alan @ The Assembling of the Church: Community Is Unnatural Today

Jason @ Godfidence.org: Community:A Synchroblog

Jeff @ Loosing My Religion: Thoughts On Building Authentic Christian Community

Glenn @ Re-Dreaming The Dream: Community: The Dilemma

Kathy @ The Carnival In My Head: Equality Is An Action Word

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For God So Loved The Church

John 3:16 – “For God so loved the church that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Ooops…it doesn’t say that does it. But how often do we make people feel that way.  Maybe it really is bigger than just us.

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Losing Someone You Can’t Replace

Have you ever lost someone that was really important to you? In light of the Steven Curtis Chapman tragedy, I was listening to the dialogs going on. Eugene Cho’s post struck me because he ask some good questions. I understand the outpouring. Steve has been deeply influential in my journey.

I have someone very important in my life who lost somebody very special, her mom. And the pain of this experience resides in the fact that this woman was an icon of love. She was that special. Everyone knew it.

But my concern for her now resides in the fact that she is still grieving, almost three years later. And the temptation of any event is to ask, “Why God?” I completely understand this. I think the emotion surrounding tragedy requires asking the question. It’s human to do so. But the real tragedy is when the original tragedy becomes the defining moment in our life, when we assume God has abandoned us.  This was the original lie.

The real risk in tragedy is to still trust. It’s just easier to guard against the pain and walk away. I look at the last seven days of Jesus life and I see pothole after pothole. His accountant traded in their friendship for 40 pieces of silver. His best friends couldn’t stay awake for him in His most pressing moment. His best friend abandoned him. He was lashed with a whip forty times that likely mutilated his back. He was crowned with thorns. He was nail to the cross and crucified. And it would have been so easy to just walk away. Everything in his path was tragedy.

Unless…he trusted. “Into your hands,” he said. This is the real risk. Do we dare trust in light of tragedy. Do we take the risk to discover what is on the other side of tragedy. Even Jesus got to grieve. He had every reason not to stick with God’s plan.But it didn’t stop him from trusting. He took tragedy and traded it in for the restoration of the world.

What if our restoration is found on the other side of tragedy? What if our resurrection is found in the courage to trust? What if God is calling us to trust in the brights lights of tragedy so we can share in what Jesus found? And when we do, affliction becomes healing in ways we could never have discovered unless we cross the bridge of chaos.

Recently I found this video by Coldplay. I cant’ believe I never found this song before. But I love the lines.

“And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what your worth”

And

“the lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones.”

That’s healing.

I wish Chris Martin has written, “I will try to love you.” I don’t think we can fix people, but I think love can.

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An Outside Perspective

This post, at dear-god.net really hit me. I was that kid. I remember feeling that way and wondering how God could possibly love me. Forgiveness was not a likely scenario.

I now realize that I was deeply broken and searching for love in so many destructive ways. I was looking for something to heal my heart and found it in the intense sexual pleasure that is porn that was always followed by intense shame. To a great extent, that moment, the one deeply embedded in shame right after pleasure, was one of the closest things to hell on earth that I have experienced.

But what hit me about this post was not about porn, but about being on the outside and seeing that kid and knowing that God loves him no matter what he has done. I wish someone had told me that twenty years ago.

May we be love to those who live in this world and lift them out of shame.

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The Two Camps

I’m reading what I think will be one of the more important books written in the next ten years. My opinion. It’s Walking With God by John Eldredge. For those who haven or haven’t read John before, this is almost a complete departure from his previous works in masculinity and a return to his earlier works. Much broader in terms of spiritual formation. I’ll post a review when I’m done.

But in the Summer section he highlights an intriguing dialog on two traditional camps.

“The first is the the holiness or “righteous” crowd. They are the folks holding up the standard, preaching a message of moral purity. The results have been…mixed. Some morality, and a great deal of guilt and shame.”

This is the group I grew up on. Suck it up, dig in your heals and just do what is right. It was deeply shameful and full of a tremendous amount of hypocrisy. When someone falls (my pastor was caught in an affair) restoration is virtually impossible.

The other camp is the grace camp.

“Their message is that we can’t hope to satisfy a holy God, but we are forgiven. We are under grace. And praise the living God, we are under grace. But what about holiness? What about deep personal change?”

These two camps appear to mimic the fight or flight responses we see throughout humanity. One posits an unreasonable burden that we cannot possible accomplish on our own. The other simple abandons any responsibility for the self.

But as John points out, neither is wholistic. He points to a third way found in whole restoration that embraces grace but seeks wholeness. This is for me true spirituality, a grace that seeks restoration found in surrendering to His Spirit.

Which camp did you grow up in?

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God Uses Broken People

A friend of mine sent me this but I don’t know who wrote it. Its a sobering reminder that God used broken people to accomplish His mission of restoration and reconciliation. God chose to love, even when we didn’t deserve it.

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The next time you feel like GOD can’t use you, just remember…

Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer…

AND

Lazarus was dead!

Jesus helped them all!

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The Other Son

One of my favorite stories in Scripture is the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Some call it the parable of the Loving Father. And easily missed is the story of other son.

I don’t think the story is complete without the other son. He provides so much emotion and context for how people can feel when God exhibits profound mercy. The other son is the good son, the son that did it right, the son that did what he was supposed to do. The other son has truth on his side.

And I realized while reading this that grace and mercy are an offense to religion. They are offensive to my carefully constructed attempts to please God on my own. Mercy doesn’t make sense. It requires me to think outside of what I assume is justice.

And this is the journey within the kingdom. Which son do we connect with? Which son do we most feel like?

The other son makes me ask a question. Will we be surprised IF God chooses to restore all of His kingdom in the latter days? Will we be disappointed or even angry if His grace extends beyond our measure, the one that we have constructed? Will we respond, “How could you forgive so and so? How could you let HIM enter?”

And will we have any leg to stand on if He doesn’t do it our way?

BTW: After I wrote this I found this from Tracy.

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Luke 15:11-32

The Parable of the Lost Son

11Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31” ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ “

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Brennan Manning

I had the distinct pleasure of seeing Brennan Manning, the original ragamuffin himself, at my alma mater, William Jessup University. I love what Brennan is doing. He simply focuses on restoring God’s image. He sees a God who is much more interested in being a Father than a God. He spent a considerable amount of time focusing on the Lord’s prayer which begins with, “Our Father…” This shattered any preconceived notions of a removed God and began to draw people back into relationship.

He spoke for almost two hours with a ten minutes intermission for rest. I could see that his age was catching up to him. I took a picture with him and he said no words to me other than yes to my request. Much love to the man who reminds me that our Father is deeply interested in loving us. The question is will we allow him to.

PS: My friend Jeromy, who went with me has some great quotes at his site.

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Mike Foster on Restoration

Mike Foster and Jud Wilhite were interviewed on the Catalyst Podcast in December.  I finally got around to listening to it.  And during the interview Mike shared the following about restoration and grace.  This is awesome.

“In a two week period of time this year I had over seven friends, friend and acquaintances who I knew, who blew out of ministry  because of an integrity issue.  And one of those guys was at the church that I go to.  He’s a popular pastor, really talented guy, young guy.  Everybody loves this guy.  When it came out that he had actually had an affair with another staff member, it was devastating to him.  And unfortunately what I saw was that this guy…the phone calls stopped, the lunches stopped.  In his greatest time of need the church let him down and his friends let him down.  And I remember talking to him a few months later at a coffee shop.  And he’s really emotional.  And he looks me in the eyes, and he goes, ‘Do you think God still loves me?’  And I said, ‘Of course he loves you.  Of course.’  But because of this tragic and horrible experience and this brokenness that he was in he didn’t feel God could love him.

And the second thing and this is really important and I hope that we’re all leaning in on this.  He asked, ‘Do you think God could ever use me?’ And you know the answer to that is absolutely yes.  But I think that when we don’t rally around our wounded, and the guys that are really struggling, when we cut and run when things get tough.  I don’t think that’s Jesus’ way but unfortunately I think that culture has kind of crept in, that we’re not running in when people are falling apart.

Why do we have such a culture that cannot restore our own?  And why do we create this culture in the first place? But it gets worse.

Another example of this is maybe you’re familiar with Tara Connor, Miss USA.  She had her little scandal and there was this talk that maybe she needed to step down and everybody is waiting for Donald Trump, who I guess runs the pageant.  They hold this press conference and everybody goes, ‘What the Donald going to do?  What’s the Donald going to do?’ You know, ‘You’re fired.’  And he stand at the podium and he goes, ‘Tara deserves a second chance.’  And what was interesting about that is some of my Christian friends didn’t think Tara deserved a second chance.  She should be gone.  She messed up and she should be out of there. And I think its a sad day when Donald Trump is the poster child for grace.  I mean that should be the Christian community’s banner.”

Well said Mike.

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Restoring Fallen Leaders

I have a friend who is a disgraced pastor.

He’s still trying to recover from the experience. He’s lost most of his friends and is struggling to understand how to put his life back together. There’s nothing simple to his story. It wasn’t a simple fall that is so easy to categorize. There were many parties involved over long periods of time. The fall even surprised him. He understands the weight of it and is living the cost in a very real way. Everything in his life has changed in a dramatic way because of it.

And what doesn’t surprise me is the response from the church.

His fall was well documented and very public because he was a pastor at a mega church. Everyone heard about it. I even heard about it before I knew my friend. News like this travels very fast. Unfortunately the church has done little to restore him in any way. He was removed from his role and essentially ignored by the pastors, who told him they would help him when they saw “true repentance.” Senior staff made very little effort to bring him to some form of restoration. I’m not privy to the inner workings of this church so I can not say what they said. I’m sure it was painful and hard for everyone.

But it made me ask a very serious question. Are we really about restoration? Sometimes I’m not so sure.

There seem to be two major examples in Scripture of dealing with a fallen leader. There’s the model Jesus provided and the model Paul provided. Paul has many exhortations for the various churches.

2 Corinthians 2:5-8 – 5If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. 7Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

He also has an exhortation in Galatians 6:1

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.”

Paul also talks about being disqualified in Corinthians, which has been used extensively about fallen leaders.

1 Corinthians 9:27 – No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

But actions sometimes take precedent over words. In Acts 15:36-41, Paul doesn’t want to take John Mark on his next journey because he had previously abandoned them. The dispute actually separates Paul and Barnabas. And I can’t help but wish Paul had followed his own advice on this one. But I also get his response to John Mark to a great extent. When someone we consider an example falls, it hurts. What my friend did has extensive consequences and affected a lot of people. Trust was broken. But isn’t one of the central message of the gospel that we are fallen? And when we do, why are we surprised?

But Jesus’ response is quite different and one I think the church has ignored. Peter, who was part of the inner circle, denies Jesus three times. His denial could be considered one of the most grievous acts of broken trust in Scripture. He turned his back on God. He denies knowing Jesus when it really mattered. But Jesus’ response is profound. He doesn’t shame him or berate him, which is what we typically think is needed to “teach someone a lesson.” We assume that shame will be enough of a motivator to change their actions. Instead, Jesus avoids the use of shame and actively restores him to ministry.

John 21:15-17 – When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

This is the man Jesus had told would be central to growing the church.

“Matthew 16:18 – And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.”

And I can’t help but believe that Jesus is giving us a deeper message that restoration is much more powerful than shame? And could Jesus be saying that he will be building His church on stories like Peter’s, ones of restoration? Jesus understands that it’s better to restore than tear down and leave behind. In restoration we find the essence of love. Jesus is telling Peter he’s worth it. He’s validating his dignity at that moment.

But the reality is that restoration requires great sacrifice on our part. It’s not the easier path. In fact forgiving someone is much harder. It means letting go of justice for the broken trust. It means actually living out the Gospel when we don’t feel like it. It means dealing with our own injustices that we want to sweep under the rug because they remind us of the lesser half.

I think Jesus understands that restoration is central to the mission and he provides us with a clear example of how to do it. And I love that it’s Peter, who is always the one out front. Peter is the guy who takes Jesus at his word and goes for it. He’s the guy who we would see as the natural leader. He’s the closest thing we have to the rock star fallen from grace. And Jesus restores him.

My hope is that as we begin to build new models of church that we begin to find ways to actively restore leaders the way Jesus did. Because when we do, when we choose to restore a fallen leader we send a message that restoration is meant for everyone. We send a message that grace extends deeper than our sin. We send a message that we really do believe in forgiveness. We send a message that love is more powerful than our brokenness. And people like my friend can begin to walk with community towards restoration, rather than in isolation.

That’s the kind of church I want to be involved with.

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My Friend “Blank” The Homosexual

Recently an unnamed event occurred that compelled me me to write a response to the so called Christian “agenda” on homosexuality. For far too long the typical position has been one of shame and disgust towards those who call themselves homosexual. But as I sat here writing I began to really ask myself what really should be our response? And then I was reminded of an experience with my friend “Blank.”

About ten years ago I was the Managing Director of a marketing and design firm in Silicon Valley. We had many significant accounts with some of the largest names in technology. One of the accounts was with my friend “blank”. “Blank” was a genuinely nice person and always was very professional. As a way of saying thank you for picking our firm it was our policy to take the client out to a nice lunch.

During lunch, my business partner and I sat across the table from “Blank” and spent the first ten minutes making small talk with him. Somehow the conversational turned to dating and marriage (he wore no ring) and he asked us, “How Christian are you?”

My heart dropped and I asked, “Why?” It seemed almost like a strange precursor question and I had not idea where he was going with it, not yet connecting to its meaning.

He said, “Because I’ve chosen to live an alternative lifestyle.” I don’t really remember much more of the lunch other than it was cordial and there was no other talk about it.

But when two days later I got back from lunch at my office and the mail arrived. In it was a letter from “Blank”. His second line read, “I will completely understand if you do not want me to be your client anymore.” His response honestly floored me. Why would he assume we wouldn’t want to work with him? And then it hit me. I wasn’t the first Christian that he had encountered in his life. In fact when I began to think about it, I realized that his response was not because of something I had said, but because of something the church had said. To the church, “Blank” was a vial, disgusting human piece of trash. In fact I would later find out he had been called much worse. And because of this he had made the broad assumption (rightly so from experience) that I would do the same. Christian after Christian had shamed him.

I called “Blank” and told him that it had never occurred to us that we should drop him for his lifestyle or sexuality. In fact our first responsibility was to love him and show him dignity regardless of his choices. The phone was silent for a good thirty seconds and then I realized he was crying. He thanked me for my words and we ended the phone call.

And I think about that phone call often. What is my response to anyone who is “you fill in the blank”. I want it to be love. And in that moment, I didn’t compromise my beliefs. In fact I strengthened them.  He left our encounter with a reflection of my Father.  But In a small way our response had given him a little bit of his dignity back. “Blank” had become Dave, a person. He ended up becoming a very good friend as well as a client.

So I ask, why is it so hard for the church to first show love. What is it so afraid of?

Can’t we be more restorative through love than condemnation? Didn’t Jesus show that through the adulterous woman? Aren’t homosexuals first humans?

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God Really Does Love You

This is one of my all time favorite songs and a glorious reminder of the love that transforms a life.  I love the subtle change from black and white to color.

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That Darn Ego

This post is part of the January Synchroblog. This month’s topic is God’s ability to use the foolish to confound the wise. You can find more at the end of the post.

When I was six I got my first trophy for playing soccer. It was the strangest feeling at the time. The shiny little trophy had this interesting effect on my soul. It felt good in a way that was validating. As I grew, I was naturally gifted in quickness and learned to gain the applause of my fellow classmates. Before school, everyone would gather up on the black top and challenge each other to see who was the fastest kid in school that day. 9 times out of 10 I won the race. The applause became like a drug, reminding me that I had done something worthwhile. I must be good right? The problem was that by lunch time, people had somehow forgotten their applause. The parade of validations had gone home, thus the need to prove myself again the next day.

And then life had a strange way of doing the same thing. Everything I participated in, school, sports, church, quickly constantly reminded me that applause came from accomplishment. If I got good grades my parents were pleased with me. If I scored goals, my friends were pleased with me. If I memorized verses and showed up on Sunday, my youth pastor was pleased with me. Even work was a matter of accomplishment. The better I did, the more applause and money I gained.

But over time the search for applause grew exhausting. The fickle crowd was never pleased enough. The bar somehow kept increasing the older I got. And to be honest it took a heavy toll on my soul. I felt like a horse with a carrot hanging in front of my face just beyond my grasp. No matter how hard I tried it could never reach it.

In college I made the bold decision to simply stop trying. I was no longer going to be good for a crowd that refused to be pleased beyond lunch. The problem was that my ego refused to participate. It needed to be validated and would stop at nothing to get its way. And then I discovered drugs, which made me a really funny guy. Bam. New applause. Come on, people. You’re not making this easy.

But along the way God kept breaking into my life, calling me to hear His voice amidst the crowd. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t boisterous. In fact, I often had to strain to hear it. And when I listened He kept telling me that I was loved. At first I didn’t want to believe it. I kept thinking that by lunch time the voice would grow fickle and I would somehow need to perform for Him as well. But by lunch time the words hadn’t changed. In fact by dinner the voice had grown steadily louder and the longer I listened the more I heard it.

And then God invited me to let go of it all. His invitation to love invited me to actually believe that I was already loved, not from what I had done, but from who I was, His beloved child. At first it seemed quite unbelievable, even stupid. Everything, and I mean everything, had told me exactly the opposite. The world didn’t work that way, so I thought. Love, which I had always assumed was the applause, was supposed to be earned, wasn’t it?

And I remember that moment, the distinct sound of my heart saying it was time, letting go of the applause and exchanging it for my Father’s love. It seemed fresh and free, almost impossible to believe. I felt scandalous because it just couldn’t be that easy…could it. And every nerve ending and sinew in my body wanted to jump ship. I kept laughing like a three-year-old who had found a secret stash of Rocky Road ice cream, hoping no one would take it away.

But damn that ego. It kept creeping back in, constantly reminding me of the rush of the applause. The voices from the crowd were so eager and earnest to lure me back. And to be honest the first time I went back the sound of the crowd, sounded soooooooooo good, like your favorite song from high school you haven’t heard in a decade. The exquisite feeling of temporal pleasure. But a strange thing happened by lunch time. The exquisite sense of validation painfully faded away. And as it faded I could hear the faint sound of laughing, the enemy having sucked me back in.

And the temptation was to assume that I had somehow ruined grace, that I had somehow cut off the voice of my Father. In fact, this assumption led me to turn away from His voice, the prodigal child once again. And it was at this moment that my Father’s voice resounded loudly. “Nothing can change my love for you.” It was hard to hear that, to believe that. I had picked up the lie I had previously abandoned. Why would God love me? I wouldn’t.

And I realized at that moment that God is not like me. He’s God and He is love, desperately searching for His children and ready to forgive. That’s what He does. He’s also breaking into the enemy’s kingdom and offering us His grace. And He’s asking us if we want to participate.

Other Posts:

The Power of Paradox by Julie Clawson

Won’t Get Fooled Again by Alan Knox

Strength on the Margins by Igneous Quill

Foolish Heart by Erin Word

A Fool’s Choice by Cindy Harvey

Quiet Now, God’s Calling by Jenelle D’Alessandro

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right… By Mike Bursell

Ship of Fools by David Fisher

Hut Burning For God by Fr. Gregory Hallam

God Used This Fool by Cobus van Wyngaard

Fool if you think its over by Paul Walker

Blessed are the foolish — foolish are the blessed by Steve Hayes

Fools Rush In by Sonja Andrews

What A Fool I’ve Been by Reba Baskett

What A Fool Believes by Sue

The foolishness of God and the foolishness of Christians. by Kent

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Exploring The Idea Of Freedom

My friend Rick, who seems to post something great about every six seconds ;-), recently wrote about the idea of freedom. His post is a summary of the idea of freedom and definitely worth the read.

But it also got me thinking about the nature of freedom before the fall. In God’s infinite wisdom, he somehow forgot to publish the manual. Yes, there is a sign post but it has one lousy warning that doesn’t even apply to us, and it reads,

“And the LORD God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.'” (Genesis 2:16-17)

That’s it folks. That’s the extent of God’s instructions on what not to do before the fall, which is mind blowing if you think about it. In God’s original iteration of kingdom, He’s not really interested in telling us what NOT to do. There is a tremendous amount of freedom in that. It’s like telling a kid entering Disneyland that there is nothing he can’t do. Can I climb on the outside of the Matterhorn? Yep. Can I drink pink lemonade and eat popcorn all day? I guess, if you want to. Can I ride Space Mountain seventeen times…in a row? Be my guest. Can I…yes.

The sad reality is that the fall distorted humanity and God’s creation and God has to provide the law, which is insanely impossible to follow if you’ve tried. But the work of the cross helped restore God’s creation and gave us access to His Spirit. It also helped usher in freedom once again.

I think one of the hardest parts of Missio Dei is exploring freedom. The Apostle Paul said to the Corinthians,

“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. (1 Corinthians 10:23)

This verse freaks me out to be honest. When you come from a religious background like I do it seems to easy. And yet this idea of freedom seems to keep popping up. Rick even pointed out another earlier verse Paul wrote to the Corinthians.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (1 Cor 3:17)

Freedom is one of the central themes of the Gospel. In fact one could argue that the central theme of Galatians, which was the first letter written after the resurrection of Jesus, is all about freedom. The word free or freedom in used 9 times. In fact the writers of the New Testament love the word, using it 47 times in the epistles.

It’s like God is saying, “yes you get to play on the outside of the Matterhorn. Yes there really is freedom.” And I have to ask. Are we, as His beloved the one’s leading the way to freedom? Are we the one’s taking the risks to find out what this really means?

And so I want to be the guy exploring what this means. What does it mean that I have freedom? The interesting thing is that I want this same freedom for my children. I want them to feel at ease around me and in my home. I don’t want them to feel fear at the slightest indiscretion or fault. I want them to know first that I love them and that they have freedom to live out their lives. When we go to Disneyland, I want them to have fun.

And all this talk about freedom makes me wonder if it is me that is keeping me back from experiencing all that God has to offer. Maybe it’s the enemy that is speaking quietly in my ear saying, “Nah, it’s not really THAT good.” Maybe it’s me that doesn’t want to let go of the condemnation and retribution. Maybe it’s me that is missing something and God is simply waiting for me to find it out.

Maybe I need to go get my climbing gear. Just kidding. Actually I’m not.

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Merry Christmas

About 2,000 years ago, God chose to reveal His ultimate plan through Jesus.  He chose to break into the world and reveal that He is a God of love that will stop at nothing to redeem His creation.  May you discover His love in a profound way this year and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that love believes you are worth it.  Merry Christmas everyone.

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